I have had a number of conversations recently where people say their biggest issue is that they run out of time because the say 'YES' to a request for help when they should probably have said 'NO'.

One conversation in particular focused on someone who was approached by a colleague to do something that should have taken minutes. They automatically said 'YES'. Over an hour later they were becoming stressed because they were now firmly ensconced in doing it. So why did they say 'YES'? Firstly, they though they were helping the other person. Secondly, they felt that by saying 'NO' they would have been shirking their responsibilities. On both points they were actually wrong, but they couldn't see that when they agreed to help. The result? A colleague ended with their job done for them, and the person in question had to dig into their own personal time to do their own job. It was a very generous and selfless thing to do. In moderation that's fine. However, this kept happening again and again with various colleagues and they'd finally had enough.

There's a very simply way to deal with this, but before I proceed I need to make something very clear. I'm not suggesting for one minute that you push away people who are asking for help. I'm saying that if your desire to say 'YES' is because you want to help them, make sure what you do really helps them and that you realise the potential consequences of doing so.

Here's how, using three simple questions...

When a colleague comes and asks for help, they will usually ask for something specific. The first thing to do is figure out if you really would be helping them. A question you could ask yourself is:

Will I actually be teaching them something they can reapply time and time again, or will they have to ask me next time too?

If you're not teaching them, your not really helping them. Otherwise, they will keep coming back time and time again for the same help. Beware of requests that put you in this space!

The second question you can ask yourself is:

Is helping them, contributing to what I need to do?

As I said earlier, one of the big contributors to saying 'YES' when you should say 'NO' is the feeling of shirking responsibility or passing the buck. So stop, and think, is the thing they're asking me to help with part of what I am measured on? If not, then you wouldn't be shirking at all.

Once you have answers to both of the above, you're all set to make your decision.

Should I DO IT, NOT DO IT, or DELEGATE IT?

You can either do what they ask, not do what they ask (kindly) or suggest they ask someone more appropriate (again, kindly).

I'm not going to tell you what you should do in each case because that's your choice. But to help, play each scenario out in your mind right now so that you're prepared for each when the time comes...

E.g. A colleague asks you for help with doing something for them (it will not help them learn), and it's not contributing to what you need to get done. Would you do it, not do it or delegate it?

You might choose to ask more questions, if so, which questions?

The point of this blog is to stop you from automatically saying 'YES' and get you to stop and think about whether you want to say 'YES'. It's about disrupting you natural instinct and giving you the space to step back and make the right decision FOR YOU AND THEM!

More next time...